oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
