I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
