There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This house was built for laser tag.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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