My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
where am i from again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
