So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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