just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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