if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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