My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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