wakey wakey hands off snakey
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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