just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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