i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
