I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
