I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
