like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
