I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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