its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
time to smoke my breakfast
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
