Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
