so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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