i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i will never coherently bang her
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
