you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need a beard to bite.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
