My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
