You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
