Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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