Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
