Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
