Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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