never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
