God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
