I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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