By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
