Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
