He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
