This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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