i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
