My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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