wrigley field is MILF paradise
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
