So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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