He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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