my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
