drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
