apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
