Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just had sex on a roof
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
