dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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