then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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