i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
