fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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