i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
