How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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