You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
