Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
