A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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