i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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