I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
