A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
