can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
